Ay me! for aught that I ever could read,
Could ever hear by tale or history,
The course of true love never did run smooth.
-Shakespeare, from A Midsummer Night's Dream
Many couples live with the myth that a loving relationship should be easy, effortless -- and if it isn't, something is seriously wrong and perhaps the relationship just wasn't meant to be. I approach couples therapy from a different point of view - that it takes hard work to sustain an authentic intimate relationship. Often couples simply lack the tools and resources they need to build a long-lasting and evolving intimacy. Couples therapy is a place to develop these tools and resources. In couples therapy, the "relationship" is the client - my goal as a couples therapist is to support and explore this relationship so it can nuture the individuals in it.
Couples therapy is a place to slow down the system so that each person in the relationship can be fully seen, heard, and known. I believe that couples often find each other because the other is an excellent teacher and healer of earlier wounds - although it can take some time and a process of deepening to understand how and why this may be the case! My somatic background lends itself to direct work with the information available in couples' bodies - how does a couple turn toward or away from each other? How do they touch each other? Often these small, non-verbal ways of connecting are the 'missing things' that a couple just can't figure out, but also can't live without. Couples therapy is a place to talk about sex - what's working, what isn't working, what are each person's fantasies and how can they be explored within the boundaries of the relationship? I believe that a passionate and lasting sex life is available to couples who are willing to work for it. I work with couples who want to have less conflict, and I work with couples who feel stagnant and stuck and want to turn up the heat. I work with couples around issues of infidelity, and believe that a relationship can survive it and that trust can be restored. I also work with couples who may decide to break up, but want to do it in a loving and respectful way.
Areas of focus:
Learning to fight fairly
Recognizing problematic systems
Sex and physical intimacy
Issues of infidelity
Polyamory/Open relationship styles
Nontraditional family structures
BDSM and other alternative practices
The greatest thing
you'll ever learn
is just to love
and be loved in return.
Every relationship is unique and special. I work with couples of all types and support consensual intimacy and commitment wherever it is to be found. I welcome couples of all genders and sexual orientations, those working with polyamory or open relationship styles, those pursuing alternative family structures, and those who are nourished by BDSM and other alternative practices and communities. Come just as you are - to discover who you can become.