Attachment Therapy: How to Heal Anxious and Avoidant Attachment in Relationships

The way you connect with romantic partners, friends, and even colleagues is deeply shaped by your attachment style — patterns formed in early childhood based on how your caregivers responded to your needs. Understanding your attachment style is one of the most powerful things you can do to improve your relationships and your emotional wellbeing.

What Are Attachment Styles?

Attachment theory, developed by psychologist John Bowlby and later expanded by Mary Ainsworth, describes four main attachment styles: secure, anxious (also called preoccupied), avoidant (dismissive), and disorganized (fearful-avoidant). Most adults have a dominant attachment style that plays out across their relationships.

Signs of Anxious Attachment

• Constant worry that your partner will leave or does not love you

• Needing frequent reassurance and feeling anxious between contact

• Difficulty trusting that the relationship is stable

• Becoming preoccupied with the relationship at the expense of other areas of life

  
  

Signs of Avoidant Attachment

• Discomfort with emotional closeness or vulnerability

• Pulling away when relationships start to feel serious

• Strong preference for independence and self-sufficiency

• Feeling suffocated or overwhelmed when partners seek closeness

  
  

Can You Change Your Attachment Style?

Yes. Attachment styles are not fixed. With the right therapeutic support, you can move toward a more secure attachment style — a process sometimes called “earned security.” Attachment-focused therapy helps you understand the origins of your patterns, grieve early attachment wounds, and practice new ways of being in relationship. It takes time and commitment, but meaningful change is absolutely possible.

Attachment Style Therapy in San Francisco

Seth Ambrose is a San Francisco-based therapist who specializes in attachment-focused therapy for individuals and couples. Whether you identify as anxiously attached, avoidant, or somewhere in between, therapy can help you build more secure, satisfying relationships. Reach out today to schedule a consultation and take the first step toward healing your attachment patterns.